There are certain things in the world that are allowed for some people but not for others.
Anger is one of these.
Somehow, we have come to accept that some men can just be “rage monsters” and that some women can never be angry. I know that this situation can be difficult. I grew up most of my life in a family that was so terrified of anger that no matter what happened, no one was allowed to be angry.
Sadly, everyone’s reality is a complex emotional vortex.
The truth is that you can tell the size of a person’s character based on what makes them angry.
Do they get visibly irate when cut off in traffic?
Do they become frustrated when interrupted in a conversation?
Or are they someone who does not get offended easily?
Do they get mad for the sake of protecting others?
Do they become angry for a reason or without reason?
What is Anger?
In truth, if you grew up and were not “allowed” to be angry, you likely became someone who was concerned about impressions and never actually learned that anger can protect you.
Anger is one of the few emotions that can lead to an explosive reaction. This is the reason why it has resulted in fear and stigma. The real question is, what is it being channeled into?
The biggest mistake by far is dismissing anger altogether.
Learn to Feel Angry
For those who grew up with no anger at all, the best thing for them is to learn how to be angry.
This simply means recognizing the things that cause us grief were unjustified and actually hurt us. We just need people to hold space for us to be upset about real things that have hurt them.
In my case, it meant that I needed to have people who understood and did not try to stop me from reacting. Now, I am not someone who could easily feel anger. To this day, I can count the number of times I have truly felt anger on one hand.
I advise people who suffer from “nice-guy” or “nice-girl” syndrome to learn to be angry about the right things.
Any emotion gives us valuable information. It tells us that something has happened to cause a reaction inside of us.
Anger tells us that a boundary has been crossed in our internal world.
What Does Your Anger Tell You?
For some, anger tells us that we are too easily moved by things that do not matter in the long run. But for others, like me, your anger will tell you when there has been a real violation of trust in your life, relationships, or work.
Use anger constructively.
When directed, anger will fuel the right breakup, the right nonprofit, or the beginning of a cause. At the end of the day, we must be able to answer to ourselves for what we did or did not allow in our lives.
Use your anger wisely.
Taryn Starr 